


you've got the faith (that I could bring paradise)

by tvshowobsessed



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fluff, Romance, death mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-04 17:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4147203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvshowobsessed/pseuds/tvshowobsessed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s 7:10 in the morning the first time you see her and your body wakes up, as if your heart sent a message to the rest of your body saying pay attention to this one. You’ve been going to the same school for 10 years, but this is the first time you’ve been aware of how beautiful she is. She’s looking down at her music, saxophone balanced precariously on her lap, and laughing at something, and you quietly take your seat in the back row trying to push down your feelings so you don’t stare.</p><p>Or the one where Laura is awkward and oblivious in all the right ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm looking for a place to start

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so bear with me. Title taken from Crystalized by The XX

_January_

It’s 7:10 in the morning the first time you see her and your body wakes up, as if your heart sent a message to the rest of your body saying  _pay attention to this one_. You’ve been going to the same school for 10 years, but this is the first time you’ve been aware of how beautiful she is. She’s looking down at her music, saxophone balanced precariously on her lap, and laughing at something, and you quietly take your seat in the back row trying to push down your feelings so you don’t stare.

As you sit in class you can feel her eyes on the back of your head. You turn in your seat to make sure you aren’t imagining things, and desperately try to stop your heart rate from speeding up because when you look back she’s staring at you as if you’re a piece of meat, and for some reason that doesn’t bother you at all. You lock eyes with her and you swear if she keeps-

“Carmilla Kanstein and Laura Hollis, if you can’t listen to what I’m saying then you’re going to have to play your part alone right now in front of the class,” your teacher scolds from the front, causing a round of snickers around the classroom. A blush creeps up your face as you mumble an apology. You keep your eyes glued to the teacher for the rest of class, but you know her name now. Carmilla.

By the time class finishes at 8:30 you’ve almost forgotten about the girl in the back, until she slides past you asking how you’re handling the first early morning band class. You know a blush is creeping up your neck and you reply as best you can, stumbling over your words.

“It was… I’m tired…” you manage, trying to hide your blush behind a laugh.

“All right, see you in 2 days, cutie,” she winks at you over her shoulder while leaving the classroom and you seriously wonder if you’re just dreaming.

 

* * *

_February_

You’re laying in bed at home texting your friend, LaFontaine, when you get a Facebook friend request. Carmilla Karnstein. You accept it, a smile forming on your face, immediately clicking the link to her profile. Her profile picture is her reading some book in a library and you immediately like her so much more. A girl who can reads is a girl you want to be friends with. And seeing as this girl- Carmilla, you remind yourself- has been stuck in your head all day you know you want to be friends.

You take your time flicking through all her other photos before looking through her likes. You immediately get excited when she likes some of the same TV shows as you do, and you quickly look for her name on chat.  You begin to type a message about your love of glee and Disney movies, but after reading it over you close your entire Facebook window. She’s probably got better things to do than talk to you right?

You resign to picking up your math homework, and you’re 6 questions in when you hear your phone buzz. Math never holds your attention so you glance over to see who the message is from, your breath catching as you see Carmilla's name.

 It’s awkward and slow but its something. You fall asleep with a smile on your face for the first time in a while.

 

* * *

_March_

Ok maybe biking while mad isn’t a good idea.

You’d gotten into an argument with your dad about not having enough independence and really, you’re 16 and you should be allowed a phone with a camera. So you’d left the house as fast as possible and biked your usual route, before remembering that tomorrow would have been your mothers birthday, so you resolve to get her some flowers on your way back, and you’ve done this route a thousand times but for some reason when you see the bikers go so do you and you can see that you’re going to get hit and you know what’s going to happen before you wake up on the road surrounded by strangers.

Part of you is surprised that you’re alive. 

The other part of you really wants to get out of there and pretend it never happened.

You've been getting better, you really don't want to die before you see where "better" takes you. So for a second in the middle of the chaos and the ambulance arriving you lie there and let yourself believe that this is a sign from your mother that something good is coming for you. Something wet slides down your cheek and you don't know if it's blood or tears but it makes your heart race with how alive you are in this moment. 

Everything is a blur and the next thing you know you’re hooked up to an IV and told you have to stay overnight and your dad is asleep in the chair beside your bed. His eyes are red from tiredness and worry and you're releived that he managed to fall asleep. You might not see eye to eye with him, but you certainly don't want to think about what would have happened if he lost you too. You take a deep breath and try to get comfortable in a full neck brace on the stiff mattress when your phone buzzes softly beside you. You momentarily panic because it could be any number of your friends, and you don’t really want Perry barging in here to look after you (even if she does mean well, her mothering is a little stressful), or Danny calling you to find out what happened (you may have just left her a text that said "hit by a car, going to the hospital"). You let out a sigh of relief when you see who it is.

 

 **Carmilla  
** Hey cutie, how’s it going?

 

 **Laura**  
Uh. It’s ok.  
Did you see tonight’s Doctor Who?

 

 **Carmilla  
** Of course. You?

 

 **Laura  
** Um. Something came up… how was it? How is the new companion? And the new doctor??

 

 **Carmilla  
** No way hun. No spoilers for you ;) Why can’t you see it?

 

 **Laura**  
Aww…  
I kinda got hit by a car… I’m in the hospital so I don’t really want to keep starting and stopping the episode as people come in…  
So please tell me how it is??

 

 **Carmilla  
** WHAT?!? Are you ok?!?!

 

 **Laura  
** Yeah nothing’s broken but walking is really painful. And my face looks pretty interesting what with the road burn and blood…

 

 **Carmilla**  
Thank god you’re ok… shit…  
Get better… ok?

 

From that you know that maybe she isn't as cold and unaffected as she likes people to believe. 

 

* * *

_April_

You know you’re concussed but you really can’t be expected to stop texting your new friend. Especially when as soon as your eyes are closed you’re still picturing what you’re going to say to her.

You learn a lot about Carmilla in the days that follow:

Her family is good at 2 things: cooking and yelling.

She likes to read books about monsters.

She can read in Norse.

She plays guitar.

She has a dog.

She loves Disney (but don't tell anyone).

She likes pet names (using them, not being called by them).

And, because you’re injured, you learn that she really likes giving you random presents. The first day that you’re back at school, on crutches and moving slow, she brings you two bags of gummy bears, a box of chocolate chip cookies, and a zippo lighter with a unicorn on it. You can tell it’s hers by the wear on it, and she tries to apologize, but you smile and thank her, before you feel her arms wrapped around you (and the crutches). You try to ignore how our heart flutters when she hugs you hard and whispers in your ear how happy she is that you’re ok.

The moment is broken only when you let out a small noise of pain (that you certainly hadn’t intended on making), and she jumps away just as fast as she had hugged you. She smiles at you for a second before excusing herself to go to class, leaving you standing in the hallway grinning to yourself for a few moments before heading home.

 

* * *

_May_

So maybe you aren’t supposed to watch movies when concussed, but when Carmilla suggested that you have a zombie movie marathon with her how were you supposed to refuse? And even though she’s about as far away from you on your couch as a person can get, you keep catching her staring at you instead of the movie. And maybe you’re staring back, but sometimes you can’t quite believe she’s in your house and spending time with you. Or sometimes it’s because she’ll laugh at the ridiculous movie (you don’t even remember the name, but it has to do with plant fertilizer, or pest killer, and the main character man has really nice hair that you both comment on and make L’Oreal jokes about).

At some point you get hungry, but really who has time for cooking, so you hobble over to the pantry and grab a can of alphagetti and bring it to the table where Carmilla is watching you, eyebrow raised.

“Are you really going to eat that, cutie?” her voice held even more judgment and confusion than that single raised eyebrow.

“Have you even tried this before, Carm?” you ask. As she shakes her head a grin breaks out on your face. “Ok just humor me. Have half? I know you said you’re not hungry, but you haven’t lived till you’ve tried this, and it was basically my childhood and-“

“Alright cutie, I’ll try your weird fake canned pasta. But you have to let me cook some real food for you next time, deal?”

You squeal and nod excitedly, before emptying the can into a large bowl and putting it in the microwave. You turn behind you to see Carmilla staring at you again, and really she isn’t trying to hide it, but when you meet her eyes she quickly looks at the floor again. You’re about to mention how you don’t mind her staring and how it’s totally cool with you because you like looking at her too and how you really like her eyes because earlier you saw gold rings in what you previously assumed were just brown eyes and that’s really interesting, but the microwave snaps you out of your brain ramble.

You set the bowl on the table in front of Carmilla, grab two forks from a drawer before sitting opposite her.

“Ok, you get the first bite,” you say to Carmilla, handing her a fork. She looks like she might want to stab something, so you give her your best puppy-dog eyes. She looks shocked for a second before she scowls at you again.

“Ok, we both know you’re adorable so stop trying to be cuter, I’ll eat your damned pasta,” you grin at her, as widely as possible, as she puts a single alphabet shaped noodle into her mouth. She, of course, immediately grimaces, and you dig into your half of the food.

“How do you eat this stuff?” She demands, the look of disgust still on her face.  
“When you make that face you look like grumpycat”

“Do not,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“Uh huh. I bet you even hate birthdays and Christmas.”

“Birthdays are pointless excuses to waste money, and Christmas is the child of capitalism,” Carmilla deadpans. You stare at her for a few seconds before realizing that she’s not joking.

“Oh my god I can’t believe it. I’m friends with the human version of grumpy cat. What horrible things happened on those days to make you hate them?” You’re joking of course but when you see a flicker of something behind her eyes you sober up. “Wait honestly, Carmilla. What happened?”

“Nothing. Just we don’t celebrate those things at my house much. It’s fine,” She says this as if it’s the least fine thing she can imagine, but you get the hint and drop the questions. You hesitate for a second before you decide on a plan of action

“When is your birthday?” You figure this question is innocent enough, but she still looks at you cautiously.

“May 27th,” Carmilla looks nervous about giving you this information and quickly tries to cover her tracks. “But you shouldn’t get me anything. In fact, you should forget that I told you my birthday at all, and just go about that day like you never met me.”

You look at her then, hoping that maybe she’ll meet your gaze with her dark eyes and understand everything that you’re trying to say with that look. But she’s Carmilla, so when does she do things that you want? Instead you swallow your words (how you couldn’t forget her if you tried and meeting her has made your life so much better and maybe she even saved your life a little bit because things haven’t been so great since your mom died), and you give her a sad smile and say sure, knowing full well that you’re going to make this birthday matter.

 


	2. I've been watching your world from afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about Carmilla is she never expresses a want for things you can give her. She wants to travel, or see an original copy of a book, or go back in time to see the opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

_May (2)_

It’s the 27th. Or rather, it’s the 26th at one minute to midnight and you’ve been trying all day to figure out how to make Carmilla like birthdays. You hand made her a card with her favorite things printed on the front (zombies, weapons, black clothing, well cooked food), and you wrote her a whole page about how awesome she is. And you have all of this as a pdf on your computer so that you can send it to her at exactly midnight, which you think would be awesome, if only you had a present for her. The thing about Carmilla is she never expresses a want for things you can give her. She wants to travel, or see an original copy of a book, or go back in time to see the opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You’ve settled on an IOU. She can cash it in anytime she wants and by then maybe you’ll have thought of what to get her.

Your phone lights up as the Doctor Who theme blares out and you quickly shut it off before your dad can wonder why you’re still awake. You go to the Facebook tab and send the message that’s been sitting there for the last thirty minutes waiting for midnight. You sit back and try to breathe normally when she reads it. You really want this to make her smile, and maybe improve her day and you know one good thing doesn’t change a history of bad, but maybe it might get her started down the path of happy birthdays. Maybe.

Carmilla (12:01)  
What’s this?

 

Laura (12:01)  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!  
I know you said not to do anything but I did anyway. Read it!

 

Carmilla (12:01)  
I thought… nevermind

 

Laura (12:03)  
Read it birthday girl!  
I’m sorry it’s not fully handmade because I can’t really draw but I really wanted to make you something so that you would have something to be happy about today? And theres an IOU for you to give me when you want to because I probably wont see you today so…  
I hope it’s ok.

 

Carmilla (12:05)  
I would have been honoured with just a happy birthday, sweetheart.  
Thank you.

 

Laura (12:05)  
Of course! You’re amazing. And cool and a little scary and you deserve to have a great birthday

 

Carmilla (12:06)  
What if I want to use my IOU now?

 

Laura (12:07)  
Um. I can’t really leave my house. Freshly off crutches, only child of a massively overprotective dad and all?

 

Carmilla (12:07)  
I see

 

 

At this you make a very bad decision. It’s her birthday and you can’t leave her feeling sad. You make sure she’s not busy or anything before carefully getting out of bed and tiptoe-ing down your hall. You find the backdoor easily, even in pitch black, and go outside before dialing her number (which you definitely didn’t memorize as soon as she gave it to you).  After two rings of your heart trying to make its way out of your chest and into your throat, she picks up.

 

“Laura?” She sounds tired, but also quite confused. You still smile when you hear her voice on the other end of the phone.

“You said my name, are you ok?” You ask with a laugh in your voice. She grumbles something into the end of the line so you continue. “It’s your birthday and maybe I can’t actually see you to give you the IOU, but I can at least do this. Go outside,”

“You do realize that it’s midnight right? How do you know I wasn’t about to sleep?” Carmilla sighs into the phone and you imagine it hitting your face gently.

“We both know your sleeping habits make you basically a vampire. Now get out of bed and go lay down outside somewhere.” You let out a giggle as she groans, but you can hear the shuffling of moving sheets on the other end of the phone.

“Alright, what am I supposed to do now?” Carmilla asks softly.

“I know you like the stars, so tell me about them.”

“My present is to tell you about the stars? I’m not sure that’s how it works, creampuff,” She replies mockingly. The slight confusion in her voice is understandable, and you let out a sad sigh. You know that this is probably a dumb idea, but she’s mentioned stargazing before, and you really don’t know any constellations except for the big dipper and you really don’t want her to stop talking.  But to your surprise she quietly starts explaining everything from Orion to Pegasus, excitement growing in her voice with every constellation she points out. You can’t believe how different this Carmilla is from the one you first met, her cool and cold exterior slipping away to reveal a passionate and caring person. You try to memorize the patterns in her voice because the way she explains the stars makes you want to study astronomy for the rest of your life.

 

When she finishes explaining, it’s 4am and you’re both yawning and you feel giddy as you tiptoe back into your room. Carmilla is still on the phone, back in her own bed, but neither of you had the heart to hang up so you tuck yourself in and whisper to her until she doesn’t reply anymore and her breathing evens out. You sit there listening to her for a few minutes, because this is so special and you’re so happy to have found a friend that will fall asleep on the phone with you and you’re overwhelmed with gratefulness that the universe shoved you two together, because you haven’t felt this light since you lost your mom (you can’t figure out why friend doesn’t feel like the right word for Carmilla, but you decide you’re too tired to worry about it tonight).

 

That night you dream of falling asleep next to her, her smell surrounding you as you breathe in sync, and feel her gentle breaths against your face. You feel happy and light and like maybe things are finally going to be okay again.

 

 

* * *

 

_June_

 

You wish you could just stop existing for a few hours so that you can get some much needed sleep, and maybe get on top of all this schoolwork that had happened while you were recovering from the accident. But sadly, exams are happening soon, you have trouble falling asleep, and the pile of school notes still lies unread on your desk. One good thing did come out of this though. Carmilla, on top of being funny, caring, and very beautiful (you have eyes, you know this), is a straight-A student and an excellent teacher.

 

So that’s how you wind up sitting on her bed on the Sunday before your history final, with Carmilla reading questions from the textbook, and you answering as best you can. When you get one right, you get a gummy bear. If you get it wrong, she eats one out of your bowl. You’ve been at it for 2 hours now, and you really think you deserve a break, so when you finish the set of questions you flop down face first, into the bed beside where Carmilla is leaning against the headboard. She looks at you for a second before smirking and rolling her eyes (you can’t see her, but you can feel her stare, and the eye roll is just what she does).

 

“Break time, cutie?” she asks while placing the textbook on her floor, on top of some clothes. This is the first time you’ve been over to her house, and honestly you’re still a little awestruck by the sheer size of it, but of course seeing Carmilla’s room, floor littered with discarded clothes and books, makes you feel a little bit less small.

“This stuff is boring, plus it’s hard to study when all I’ve eaten all day is gummy bears,” you let out a huff of frustration as your stomach grumbles in agreement. You suddenly have an idea, and roll onto your back to find her face much closer than you had thought. All you can see now are her dark eyes and her lips that are pulled into that constant smirk and you think about how you want to wipe that smirk off her face, because it’s just so annoying that it stops your thoughts. And you wonder how it would feel to press your own lips against hers, because that would surely shock her into a normal face. You close your eyes and take a deep breath and remind yourself of why you rolled over in the first place.

“I seem to remember that someone promised to make me a real meal sometime,” you lift a finger to poke her chin for emphasis.

“Oh did they? Well, I’m sure this person would happily make lunch if someone was to ask nicely,” Carmilla drawls as she slides down the headboard so that she’s lying to face you. She reaches out to brush hair out of your face, and you swear you see her glance at your lips for a few seconds.

“Would someone please make us some lunch?” You ask, trying to ignore the way that you can feel your words reverberating off her skin.

“I would love to. Come on then,” Carmilla is gone from beside you, and you glance up in surprise at her outstretched hand. You let out a small exasperated sigh before grabbing her hand and letting her help you up.

 

~

 

“Oh my god, Carm,” you moan as you’re sitting at her too-big dining table, eating the best grilled cheese in the entire world. “This is literally heaven in my mouth. I never want to eat anyone else’s grilled cheese ever again.”

“You better keep me around then, cupcake,” Carmilla grins as she takes a giant bite of her own sandwich.

“I fully intend on it,” you say matter of flatly, because you haven’t had a friend like this before and you love spending time with her and because grilled cheese is your new favourite food.

You eat the rest of the sandwiches in silence, smiling widely at one another between bites, and before you know it they’re all gone and you’re licking the remnants off your fingers. For some reason you can’t stop watching as Carmilla sucks lightly on her fingers and you know you’re blushing but you can’t figure out why you blush so much around your new friend. You swallow hard and try to look at anything but her lips, or her face or just her. Carmilla is watching you carefully, and you feel like she’s going to say something, but then the front door opens and her eyes grow in surprise.

 

“Carmilla?” A voice questions from the door.

“Shit. Shit shit shit. Shit,” Carmilla curses under her breath, just loud enough for you to hear, as she slides off her chair and balls her hands into fists. “Yes mother, I’m in the kitchen.”

You’ve never met her mother, or even seen a picture, so you don’t really expect her to be six feet tall, and you really don’t expect to feel like as soon as she looks at you your soul is going to leave your body. She gives you a once over, and you feel like you’re a show dog and she’s the judge. Her eyes are cold and she smiles at you like she might want to murder you, or at least have you murdered.

“Who’s your friend?” Carmilla's mother turns to her daughter, and you see Carmilla visibly wince.

“Um. Mother, this is Laura. Laura this is my mother. Laura and I were studying for final exams, but we got hungry,” Carmilla looks like she can’t decide between grovelling and fleeing the scene, and you really can’t blame her.

“Carmilla you know our rules about friends during exam period, however since she’s already here you may continue your studies,” Carmilla’s mother turns around and heads to another room in the mansion without another look in your direction and Carmilla lets out a shaky breath. You want to touch her shoulder and tell her it’s ok, or wrap her in a hug, but you don’t really know what she’d be comfortable with so you settle on picking up the dishes and taking them to the dishwasher. When you turn around again Carmilla is staring at the floor and trembling slightly.

“Lets go upstairs. Now?” Carmilla’s voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it so you follow her quickly. You start to wonder if maybe you should leave, so you voice your opinions as soon as you’re back in her room.

 

“You should probably text your dad,” Carmilla sighs and sinks back onto her queen sized bed. You send the text off to your dad before carefully sitting next to her, leaving a respectable distance, and place your hand on her thigh.

“You know I’m here for you if you need anything, right Carm?” she looks up at your words and nods slightly, so you continue. “Because I know maybe you don’t want to talk about it but I can listen or we can watch TV or we can just talk about something else, okay?”

“Ok,” Carmilla places her hand over yours and your skin burns but you’re stuck between wanting to rip it away or let it go up in flames. “Same goes for you too Laura, I know I’m not good at the feelings thing. But I care about you, and I know things aren’t always great.” You catch her glancing down at your wrist, and you want to run away because no one is supposed to know, even if you’re better now. But as you glance back at her eyes you find her staring at you with what might be pride, and she gives your hand a squeeze, and you stay like that until your dad calls to say he’s at the door.

 

You still don’t hug goodbye, but you call her that night and you talk about your mom and it feels so good to have someone that understands you and wants to listen to you when you’re sad. You fall asleep with your arm wrapped around a pillow and your phone on your cheek and you can’t remember ever feeling this at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapters title was from "Yellow Light" by Of Monsters and Men  
> This title is from "Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!   
> Special thanks to tumblr user Hawkrye for being my lovely beta bro.  
> If you want to know anything about this story shoot me an ask over at hollensteinstrash.tumblr.com


	3. time is hard to kill since I met you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At this point, even though you miss her, you suppose it’s a good thing that Carmilla is away for most of the summer. Between studying for exams and trying to get over your concussion, most of your time was spent with Carmilla and your other friends have been nagging you about it.

_June_

 

Thanks to Carmilla you did great on your exams, and you’re celebrating the end of Grade 11 by watching a bunch of old horror films and eating as much junk food as possible without throwing up. You’re currently on her bed (still sitting very far away, which you think is funny because you cuddle most of your friends when you watch movies), sharing a bowl of popcorn and laughing at how horrible the animation in this movie is. Every once in a while your hands bump in the popcorn bowl and you blush before apologizing, which she responds to by poking your side and making you laugh. Whenever she touches you, there’s an electric current that runs over where she touched and you’re very curious about what would happen if you could have more of her pressing everywhere at once, but she’s your friend and these thoughts shouldn’t be happening right now. She’s just so beautiful, and at times like now, with her guard down and her face lit up and her hair falling over her eyes, you just think she’s perfect. You turn your attention back to whoever’s head is being chopped off on the computer screen and enjoy the sound of her laughter over the screaming.

 

It’s 11PM and your dad is five minutes away, but sometime during the movie Carmilla fell asleep and you don’t want to leave her quite yet. She looks so peaceful and adorable, and as you brush her fallen bangs out of her face she scrunches up her nose and all you want to do is press a kiss to it. Knowing she’ll be upset if you leave without waking her you poke her in the side, with no reaction. Of course she’s not ticklish.

“Carmilla,” you say softly as you poke her again, hoping for more of a reaction this time. Still nothing.

“Come on sleepy head!” This time you give her arm a gentle shove, but still nothing. You stick your finger in your mouth and grin to yourself, knowing how upset she’ll be at what you’re going to do. As you stick your finger in her ear you prepare for her reaction. Carmilla’s eyes flash open and before you know it she’s grabbed you and flipped your positions so that she’s straddling you, which you would normally blush at, but she’s tickling you relentlessly and you’re fully out of breath and pleading for the end.

“I’m sorry, what was that cutie? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your betrayal!” Carmilla flashes you her famous smirk as you try helplessly to free yourself. When she’s content with her retaliation she gets off you and offers you a hand up.

“I hate you,” you say begrudgingly as you take her hand.

“No you don’t.” Carmilla shows a hint of her real smile and you return it before wrapping her up in a hug. Her arms circle your waist after a moment and you feel her completely relax against you. You breathe in her smell and try to memorize the way this moment feels.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you soon right?” You ask into her ear. She stiffens, so you pull away with a questioning look, keeping your hands around her shoulders.

“I, uh, I’m going to Europe tomorrow for most of the summer,” she admits and stares at her feet. You fight off the sinking feeling in your chest.

“Since when?” you ask, your voice smaller than ever.

“My mom only told me this morning, and I didn’t want to ruin our night. I’m sorry,” she says to the floor.

 

You pull her in tight again and tell her how it isn’t her fault. You swear she lets a few tears fall and you can feel her irregular breathing against your neck, but you just hold her. You’re fighting off tears yourself, but right now you know she needs you to be the calm one, even if your whole body is tingling from Carmilla’s closeness. The vibration in your pocket surprises you both and you separate a little.

“I guess you have to go.” Carmilla looks at you sadly, eyes still on the brink of tears.

“Text me. And skype me? And we can Facebook or email or whatever you want. Just keep talking to me ok? I’m going to miss you but Europe is cool, and you’ll have time to read your books! And I’ll still be here when you get back.” You know you’re rambling but she’s smiling a little so it’s okay. 

“Go on cupcake. Your dad is waiting.” She lets go of you and opens her bedroom door. You give her a sad smile and pack your stuff before heading to her front door and giving her one more hug. You both sink into in and you feel her sigh at the same time you do and you hold onto this moment for as long as possible before your pocket vibrates again so you smile at Carmilla and bid her farewell.

 

~

 

At this point, even though you miss her, you suppose it’s a good thing that Carmilla is away for most of the summer. Between studying for exams and trying to get over your concussion, most of your time was spent with Carmilla and your other friends have been nagging you about it. You had made plans with Danny as soon as you’d gotten home from Carmilla’s house, because you know you don’t want to think about her getting on that plane and going 8 hours away. (You think you might throw up if you think about it too much.)

 

So here you are at Danny’s house, sitting on her bed watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Danny might as well be double your height, but she still manages to curl up enough so that her head is on your shoulder. She’s quoting the whole movie under her breath and you laugh every time she gets mad about the inconsistencies with the movie verses the book. It’s comforting, but you still feel pretty bad.

 

“He shouldn’t be yelling this. You KNOW he shouldn’t be yelling this. JK herself worked on this movie, and yet, he yells out this line!” Danny’s voice is full of anger, but she’s gesturing at the screen half-heartedly because she knows she can’t change anything. You laugh weakly at her antics, but you still feel too sad to really say more than that. You know she’s watching you and trying to figure out what’s wrong, but she stays quiet (except for yelling at the movie) until the scene where Moaning Myrtle finds Harry in the bathroom. Danny takes a long look at you before reaching across her lap to pause the movie, sitting up and turning to face you.

“Laura, what’s wrong? You haven’t been into Harry Potter as much as usual; you haven’t yelled at the movie even once!” Danny looks confused, but honestly so are you because you don’t know why Carmilla leaving is such a big deal.

 

“I’m just sad Carm is gone for the whole summer, you know? I’m going to miss her.” Even you can tell that this is at least a partial lie, but you don’t know what you’re lying about so you really hope Danny buys it.

“I know Laura, it sucks that her mom just made her leave like that. But on the bright side, I’m actually here all summer for once, so you can just spend all your time with me and you wont even have time to worry about the snark queen!” Danny playfully nudges your side with her elbow, but she’s giving you a sympathetic look. You are actually really happy that she’s staying in Toronto for the summer, but something is still bothering you. You take a deep breath and force a smile onto your face.

“Yeah. Sounds like a plan, lets get back to this movie. Flustered Harry is the best part!” You’re pretty sure Danny knows you’re pretending, but she turns back to the laptop anyways. “And don’t call her that. She’s just not very good with new people. Plus you’re a little protective.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, defend your vampire friend all you like,” Danny rolls her eyes and starts the movie again, settling her head back on your shoulder. You really are lucky that she’s your friend. When you fight it’s brutal, but she’s been there for you through everything. You know that you should try and figure out why Carmilla leaving bothers you so much, but you decide that right now you’ll just spend time with your best friend and enjoy the movie. You check the time on your phone, 2PM. Two hours till Carmilla lands. Who knows how many more till she finds the internet again.

 

~

 

Sometimes it’s pretty easy to forget that your friends are the best people in the entire universe. Your dad gets on your nerves, and sometimes he can’t quite look at you because you remind him too much of your mom, and sometimes that means he wont let you go out. However, you’ve known your friends your whole life, so they know exactly what to say to him to get you out of the house. Plus, he trusts Perry and Danny with your safety more than he trusts you (this is probably reasonable).

That’s how you’ve found yourself on the floor of Danny’s house playing Cards Against Humanity with everyone. Seeing as LaFontaine is the only one who owns the game, they are, unsurprisingly, winning by a mile. Perry might not be a fan of this game, but she’s surprisingly good at putting down the right cards (and she’s rewarded with a smile from Lafontaine every time she does). As you win this round with “fucking a corpse back to life; kid tested and mother approved”, you’re tied with Danny and Kirsh at 3 cards each. Lafontaine rambles a bit about how you probably can’t bring things back to life with sex, but how they know several ways that one could (hypothetically, of course) bring something a bit smaller than a human back to life. This has the group silent for a few seconds before Kirsh cracks and then everyone is laughing hysterically. You really do love your friends, and moments like these make your heart swell with affection.

You have no idea how this group was formed, none of you are very similar, but you love them all so much (maybe they can’t distract you from missing her, but they help make it less all-consuming).

Once things calm down another hand starts, but your phone buzzes so you pull it out, heart skipping a beat as you see who it’s from.

 

 **Carm :)  
** Hey cupcake

 

 **Lauronica Mars**  
CARMILLA! YOU’RE ALIVE AND SAFE AND SPEAKING TO ME!!!  
I MISS YOU  
HOW IS EUROPE?  
IS IT FUN?  
HAVE YOU TAKEN PICTURES?  
Did I mention that I missed you??

 

 **Carm :)**  
Woah calm down there, it’s not like im back from the dead or anything  
Haha I miss you too  
Europe is ok  
You’d like it more than I do  
I don’t really take pictures  
Yes. But I appreciate the sentiment all the same.

**Lauronica Mars**  
I CANT BE CALM YOURE BACK!!!!! Or not back.  
But you have internet  
Oh come on just a few pictures??  
For me??

 

 **Carm :)**  
I do have internet.  
For the rest of the trip maybe.  
It’s a little slow...  
Do you want to skype or something?

 

 **Lauronica Mars  
** Uh. Yes. Can you give me a bit?

 

“Earth to Laura, earth to Laura,” Lafontaine says as they wave a hand in front of your face and laugh at your bewildered expression.

“Come on dude we’re all waiting on you! Where are you? Who’s texting you?”

“Uh. My dad. Wondering when I’ll be home. I should probably leave soon? You know how he is!” You blush a bit, because the whole group is staring at you, and pull out the first card you see (Children on leashes).  You know you’re not going to win this round so you politely excuse yourself to the bathroom. You quickly fire off a text to your dad to come get you, and one to Carm explaining that you’ll be a while, before rejoining the game. You smile at your friends, and you know that they can tell your mood is better now.

 

~

 

“Carm?”

 

Skype just connected the call and your heart is racing, you haven’t heard her voice in a week and you haven’t seen her smile in a week and you haven’t heard her say your name, or one of her nicknames for you, in a week.

“Well if it isn’t Lois Lane,” Carmilla’s face suddenly appears on your screen and she’s smiling and she’s beautiful and you squeal before hugging your computer. “Uh, cutie, you do know I can’t actually feel that, right?”

“Ok, I know, but I missed you, and it’s the best I can get. The sentiment is still there right?” You smile at her hopefully, because you don’t want her to think you’re weird. Well. Weird enough to stop talking to. You just really want this to work, whatever _this_ is.

“I missed you too, Laura,” she laughs at you. “But that doesn’t mean I’m hugging the laptop.”

“That’s fair. Your laptop will just feel very left out and sad, while mine feels happy and loved.”

“It’s just a laptop.”

“A lonely laptop, who’s owner doesn’t love it at all.”

“It can’t feel emotions.”

“Well not with the way you’re treating it, it can’t.”

“It’s a piece of metal for crying out loud!” She throws up her hands in exasperation.

“I missed you...” You barely hear the words yourself, but you know she heard them because she whispers it back. After that you just spend a few seconds appreciating her existence from miles away. You want to say you miss her again, and you know the words are repetitive but they’re true and you really did miss her. You missed her voice and her face and her laugh and even her stupid eye rolls. Of which there are many, as she explains everything that her mother has forced her to do on the trip. She asks what you’ve been up to, and you share stories and Danny’s crazy workout schedule, Lafontaine’s science experiments gone wrong, Perry’s mothering and Kirsh just being Kirsh. She listens attentively and laughs at your words, and you can’t help but feel like this is where you’re meant to be.

“Laura? Bed time, I’m turning your lights off now,” Your dad pokes his head into your room and you wish him a goodnight before sending a text to Carmilla.

 

 **Lauronica Mars  
** I can’t talk anymore. My dad would hear :(

 

 **Carm :)  
** Should I hang up…?

 

 **Lauronica Mars**  
NO!  
I mean. You don’t have to,  
Also you can still talk. I just can’t.

 

“Oh ok. Um. What should I talk about?” She asks.

 

 **Lauronica Mars  
** Tell me a story. Something I don’t know about you.

 

“You know almost everything about me.”

 

 **Lauronica Mars  
** Pleeeaaassseeeeeeeee :)

 

“Ok. Fine.”

 

And she does. She tells you about her childhood, about her father, about his family and what music he likes and how he’s the reason she loves horror movies. She tells you about her favourite books, even sharing a few of her favourite quotes and questions from them. You hear about when she started going to Europe, her mother having re-married a man who lived in Germany with a country house. You even hear about some of her old friends, with both happy and heartbreaking endings.

You don’t know when you fall asleep, but when you do your head is still filled with Carmilla’s voice and her eyes and the way you feel when she hugs you. You’re definitely fast asleep when she whispers three little words into the computer before going to sign out. You don’t get to see her face when you sleep talk and say them back to her, and you don’t see how she looks at you as if you hold the stars in the sky before clicking the end button.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Little Numbers" by Boy  
> Again, tumblr user hawkrye is my lovely beta.  
> Thanks for reading and kudo-ing. :)


	4. 'Cause from her lips I heard her say can I have you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You alright there, Hollis?” Lafontaine asks, eyebrow raised. You sort of register that this is a question and say you’re fine before unlocking your phone to read the message.  
> You might be dreaming, you think, so you pinch yourself before realizing this doesn't mean you and your dad will never let you go. This range of emotions must have confused Laf enough because they reach over and take the phone from your loose grip.
> 
> Or Laura and Laf do Science stuff and Carm has a surprise (and uses far too many winky faces)

_July_

 

“Laura, I don’t think the rabbits are going to want to eat your phone,” Lafontaine complains as you quickly glance up from your screen. You give them an awkward smile before finishing the message you were writing.

LaFontaine has taken you to one of your favourite places in the world, and here you are on your phone. You know you should feel bad, but Carm seems lonely and you really hate not talking to her. However, when you see the sad look on Lafontaine’s face you sigh and put your phone in your pocket and decide to make the most of your day.

You take a deep breath and feel the cool air run through your lungs. You and Lafontaine are in a small meadow surrounded by a tangle of berry bushes with a lake in the center. It’s beautiful and sunny and there are rabbits everywhere that will eat from your hands. Which LaFontaine has decided to do a science fair project on? You’re not certain that it’s entirely legal, nor do you actually know exactly what they’re doing with the rabbits, but you’re glad you were brought along to feed them. Your real duty is to film them, and take individual photos of all the rabbits you can find, but they need encouragement in the form of food.

“I’m naming this one Cotton,” you tell Lafontaine as a rabbit grabs some carrot from your palm, whiskers tickling your hand. You quickly grab your camera to take photos of it eating before it inevitably runs back under the bushes.

“Wait, we might need to catch that one.” Laf beings to rummage in their bag and pulls out a small animal carrier intended for airplanes.

“You realize this is a wild rabbit right? What if it bites me?”

“Then I’ll patch you up, don’t worry!”

“What kind of science fair project is this anyways?”

“Do you really want to know?” Lafontaine looks at you with a smug smile, knowing your answer already. You look at them for a few seconds before shrugging and grabbing the rabbit. It of course struggles and you nearly drop it, but Laf comes over with the bag and before you know it the small white and black rabbit is safely secured in the carry bag. It’s still moving around a lot, and you really do feel bad, but you know Lafontaine won’t do anything to hurt it. You hope.

 

~

 

Back at your house you and Laf are sorting through photos and matching them with “samples” that Laf has. You’re shamelessly sending all of the cute rabbit photos to Carmilla and telling her what names you’ve given them, but so far no reply. You don’t want to worry about her, she can take care of herself, but you really can’t help feeling a little anxious after not hearing from her for a few hours.

Which is why as soon as she does reply you break into a grin and squeal at your phone.

“You alright there, Hollis?” Lafontaine asks, eyebrow raised. You sort of register that this is a question and say you’re fine before unlocking your phone to read the message.

 

**Carm :)**  
You’re cuter than all of those rabbits ;)  
So. I was talking to mother.  
She realized I've been a bit lonely.  
And I can invite a friend to come now.

 

You might be dreaming, you think, so you pinch yourself before realizing this doesn't mean you and your dad will never let you go. This range of emotions must have confused Laf enough because they reach over and take the phone from your loose grip. You should be mad but you're too busy thinking of ways to convince your dad to let you go.

"That's great Laur! But who can afford to go to Europe except her...?" Laf puts a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"Wait there's more. Her mom is willing to pay for this friend. I think she's asking you to go with her. There's a winky face... Winky face?" Laf looks at you for answers, but you're standing and trying to see over their shoulder. They might not budge until you answer so you try.

"Uh," you stumble out. "She just uses them. It doesn't mean anything. Europe? Me? Are you sure? I mean she'd want to take me?" You try to stay still and not jump up and down in excitement.

"Uh huh. Sure, crushes-on-broody-people. And yes I think that's what ‘So will you ask if you can come?’ means."

"I'm not. She's. We’re," you manage to stammer out. You don’t have a crush on Carmilla. She’s your very platonic best friend that you sometimes think about kissing or holding at night which is definitely completely normal and everyone does it sometimes you’re sure and-

"I'm kidding, L. Relax. Also my mom is here I'm heading out. Lemme know what happens! Thanks for the help!" You barely register helping Laf leave your house before dialing your dad’s number.

“Dad I know that you probably will say no but I really have to ask anyways. Please may I go visit Carm in Europe? Her parents will pay for most of the trip and I’ll have somewhere to stay and it’s not like I’m doing anything here. Please, please, please?” The words are falling out of your mouth faster than most people can hear, but you think your dad is used to it by now.

“Whoa slow down there kiddo. Europe? That’s pretty far, I don’t know. It would be your first time flying alone, and across all those borders…” His voice is full of concern, but you do your best to reassure him.

“Yeah, but we’ve done it before, and Carm will be waiting at the airport for me when I get there. Please dad?”

“Ok. It’s a definite maybe. But don’t tell her anything until I get home and we decide.” You squeal and tell him you love him, and of course text Carmilla back right away with the exciting news.

Which is of course immediately followed with a facetime call. You let the sound of her voice wash over your whole body before you get too excited and spend the rest of the call talking her ear off about how excited you are. She hangs up, just before you dad gets home, with a “goodnight sweetheart” and you can’t help picturing her saying it to you while falling asleep in your arms.

 

~

 

2 and half hours later you and your father are crowded around the home computer buying your plane tickets. He’s allowing you to go on the condition that you Skype him once a day and bring him back some German cookies (and once you get home your chore list is twice as long, but Carmilla is worth it).

You buy tickets on the soonest plane, leaving 12 hours from now, and you send quick texts to your friends before running to your room to pack. Carmilla is asleep at this point so you honestly have no idea what to bring, so you settle for checking the weather, and packing for anything the world throws at you. You’re only allowed one carry on suitcase and your backpack, and you’re honestly surprised that you managed to fit everything in. after carrying your bag to the front door you give your dad a hug and a kiss goodnight before returning to your room to try to sleep. You do a happy dance and practically bounce around your room while getting dressed, but it’s really only hitting you now that you’re going to see Carmilla for the first time in nearly two months. In less than a day you’ll get to hug her, hear her voice, see her in person and not through a screen. You can’t really believe that this is happening, and the reality of it all hits you like a ton of bricks as you fall back onto your bed with a smile on your face.

This is possibly the best day ever.

 

~

 

You’re not really sure how you managed to get a window seat on the flight, but you’re so glad you did. Your leg is bouncing with the anticipation of getting off your eight-hour flight, but your heart is racing at the thought of seeing Carmilla. You can’t tell if your thoughts are going too fast, or if maybe your brain just stopped working altogether.

And maybe having over eight hours alone with your thoughts right after LaFontaine had planted ideas in your head wasn’t great. Or maybe it was great.

The flight had been pretty uneventful, and you’re a little embarrassed to say that you missed Carmilla so much that you wrote her a whole letter on the plane. You’re not even sure what you said anymore because of plane-haze, but you already texted her to tell her that it exists so it’s too late to pretend you didn’t. While writing you kept typing three words but even though they’re normal to say to your friends they just feel wrong here and you deleted them every time. You think that your feelings still get across and you hope that she just knows what you mean.

You’d had to change planes at Frankfurt and the second plane you took to reach the small town of Styria was a little terrifying (not as scary as Carm had made it out to be. She might be scared of flying. Maybe). You had been one of six passengers on the twelve-seat plane, and you’ve never felt so much turbulence.

**Lauronica Mars**  
I just want to see you NOW  
Can’t we get off already???

**Carm :)**  
I’m too impatient to wait for everyone else to get off your stupid plane.  
Can you just kill them all or something?

**Lauronica Mars**  
CARM! NO! I want to see you too, but murder is NOT the answer

**Carm :)**  
This is what you get for booking seats at the back of the plane 

**Lauronica Mars**  
. . .  
This plane is tiny. Everyone takes the same amount of time to get off  
Carm I can’t believe I’m actually here for real  
I get to see you in MINUTES  
I can HUG YOU

**Carm :)**  
*Sigh*  
Wait. I have an idea.

**Lauronica Mars**  
Please don’t do anything violent or illegal?  
I’d really like to be able to hug you soon.

**Carm :)**  
;)

**Lauronica Mars**  
????????  
Carmilla I’m serious  
If you prevent me from hugging you in any way shape or form  
You’re going to be sorry

**Carm :)**  
Calm down cupcake.  
Oh *IM* going to be sorry am I?  
I’m so scared of the 5’2” child ;) 

**Lauronica Mars**  
Hey! we’re like the exact same height

**Carm :)**  
;)  
3  
2  
1

**Lauronica Mars**  
um??? what???

After her countdown, you hear the plane PA system comes on.

“Would Laura Hollis please come forward? Your flight connection is apparently leaving sooner than expected. You may leave the plane now,” a lady says in a muffled tone. You try not to laugh too much as you hurriedly grab your bag and scurry off the plane. You have no idea what Carmilla did, but as long as she isn’t in trouble you’re happy she did it.  

You reach the doors before the waiting area pretty quickly (you might have run), and you take in a deep breath to calm your nerves and try to convince your hands to stop shaking. Reaching for the door you pull it open, and everything falls away because you see her. She’s wearing her classic ripped black jeans, some band t-shirt and a red flannel (you think this might be yours actually), and she's smirking at you. That stupid smirk usually drives you crazy and you want to wipe it off her face and make her really smile, or laugh or something, but right now the smirk is perfect. She’s just as you remember and so much more real than you’ve gotten used to.

You don’t remember letting your feet move but you’re in her arms and she’s stroking your hair and she smells like home and she’s holding you so tightly that you think she might never let go (you know that you never want to let go again).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Mango Tree" by Angus and Julia Stone
> 
> OK This one is mostly filler, and it was supposed to be part of last chapter but that didn't happen. So, i've extended the total number of chapters :) It's wrapping up fast!!  
> Thanks to tumble user hawkrye for the beta-ing (Shes great guys srsly)
> 
> Enjoy & Thanks for reading.


	5. all we care about is talking (talking only me and you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the song ends and both of you are still laughing she leans into your ear.  
> “You’re going to miss the movie if you keep watching me, creampuff.”  
> “What! I’m not, uh,” you stutter, a blush climbing your neck. “Should I stop?”  
> There’s a pause as Simba harasses his parents awake. It’s so long you think maybe she didn’t hear you but then she whispers “I don’t mind.” you smile to yourself and focus your attention back on the movie. 
> 
> or: Laura is starting to take a hint, and Carmilla's mom really doesn't help anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a bit late! I injured my shoulder and so typing has been kind of rough. Also this chapter was hard to write for some reason, but it's the longest one yet enjoy!

_July_

 

Honestly you thought her Toronto house was big, but this thing could hold a small army. When you first walk through the door you’re been faced with old and expensive looking parlour chairs, and red and black wallpaper covering every surface. Carmilla’s mother greets you with a tight-lipped smile before ushering Carmilla into the kitchen to cook a meal for the group of guests that are also gathered in the parlour.

Mrs. Karnstein walks you through the house giving short descriptions of every room, and you try your best not to knock anything over or say anything embarrassing. The Karnstein residence in Toronto had been modern, so this is exactly opposite in every way. Except that when you spot your first TV it’s a smart TV, and there's one in nearly every room. All of the bedrooms, including yours, have a four-poster; king sized bed, as well as their own living room and bathroom. You’ve never been somewhere so huge, and you feel like it’s a museum that you’re playing pretend house in.

You’re shown the “Master” bedroom (though you’re certain every bedroom here would be a master in any other house), your own guest room, and finally Carmilla’s room. Of course your eyes roam the room looking for signs of your friend on every surface, but the only way you can tell it’s hers without being told is her guitar taking up residence on her bed (her mother immediately picks it up and moves it to a guitar stand). Her room is only two doors away from yours, but her room is also beside her mothers. For some reason this makes your heart sink a little but you choose to deal with your emotions and confusion later (not in front of Mrs. Karnstein).

 

~

 

You’ve been at her house for less than 5 hours, and yet her mother has in this time thrown a dinner party, interrogated you about your life, and made you wash a lot of dishes. Carmilla is drying after you wash, and she keeps looking at you out of the corner of her eye sheepishly. Every time she does you give her a small smile and nudge her side because even if you are just washing dishes, you’re here. Here in her scary threatening mothers humongous house. The look of terror must have come across your face because she raises an eyebrow at you, but you mouth the word nothing to her before returning to the task at hand.

Once you’re finished she walks you up to your room and suggests watching a movie. When you ask for a suggestion, she opens up a cupboard and you discover your favourite part of the house. All of the cupboards in your room apparently house rows upon rows of books, VCR’s and DVDS. You run up beside Carmilla and let your fingers skim across the titles gently.

“Carm, this is amazing,” you whisper, wonder in your voice.

“My step father really likes buying things to please his children. If you can’t love them properly I guess this is best,” She says with a tone of joking to her voice. You give her a quizzical look, but keep skimming titles until you see them.

“Wait. Is this the entire Disney collection on VCR all in one place?”

“Yep.”

“I know what we’re watching then,” you say as you grab the lion king and hand it to her. She rolls her eyes but takes it from your hand and puts it in the machine. You run back to the couch and plop yourself in the middle of it, patting the seat next to you. You’ve been away from her for long that you’re not scared of the awkwardness. Or maybe you are, but you’ve given up pretending that you don’t want her as close as possible. She settles in next to you, but still leaves a small amount of space between you.

“I apologize in advance for singing along to all the songs,” you say to her, grinning.

“Oh no. You’re one of those? Help I need to escape my doom! Someone save me from the tiny cupcake and her singing!” She makes to get off the couch but you grab her by the wrist and pull her down at the same time circle of life starts up on the screen.

You yell out the words (even if you don’t know exactly what they are) at the top of your lungs, and she's laughing at you and moving to cover her ears, but you can see her mouthing along as the English words come in. By the time you get to the actual circle of life part, you’ve got her singing with you. You watch her out of the corner of your eye and notice her doing the same thing. When the song ends and both of you are still laughing she leans into your ear.

“You’re going to miss the movie if you keep watching me, creampuff.”

“What! I’m not, uh,” you stutter, a blush climbing your neck. “Should I stop?”

There’s a pause as Simba harasses his parents awake. It’s so long you think maybe she didn’t hear you but then she whispers “I don’t mind.” you smile to yourself and focus your attention back on the movie.

 

You wake up to hear the opening of “Can you Feel the Love Tonight”, and though you’re sad that you’d missed hakuna matata due to plane exhaustion, you really don’t want to miss any more of the movie. You crack open your eyes experimentally only to realize that there are black hairs between you and the screen. You try to use a hand to get them away, but you realize that your hand is on Carmilla's thigh, and your head is resting on Carmilla’s shoulder and maybe you don’t want to move at all. You blush because you’re cuddling her, but she hasn’t moved you while you were asleep, so why should it be any different while you’re awake right? Deciding to at least let her decide that for herself, you yawn loudly.

“Morning cutie. Have a nice nap?” She doesn't move away from you, and you try not to get excited about that. All friends cuddle right?

“Mmm… missed my favourite song though,” you mumble back, still not entirely awake.

“I thought 'Just Can’t Wait to be King' was your favourite?”

“They’re all my favourite,” you mutter into her shoulder. She laughs before humming along to the song and you feel it on your mouth and through your arm and your whole body and you just want more.

“I thought you were the one who made fun of me for singing along to hakuna matata, and yet here you are humming to the best love song ever? Who are you and what have you done with cold broody Carmilla?”

“That doesn’t mean I know the words.”

“You do though.”

“Do not.”

“Do too!” To punctuate this you give her side a poke, enjoying her jump momentarily before realizing that it’ll end in retaliation.

“Oh it’s on Hollis,” She says as she flips you over and begins tickling your sides mercilessly. You can’t breathe but now you're not sure if it’s from the tickling, or the fact that you’ve realized that she's straddling you. Either way you need this to stop before you do something stupid like kiss her or pee yourself.

“Mercy,” you say breathily.

“What was that sorry?” She increases her tickle strength, much to your displeasure.

“MERCY OH MY GOD CARM LET ME GO!” At this she gets off of you and picks up the remote to pause the movie.

“Maybe we should continue this when you’re not jet lagged?” She glances at your bed before raising her eyebrow at you. You don’t want her to leave but your body betrays you with a yawn.

“Ok but you have to stay and talk to me until I fall asleep. I’ve missed you.”

“Deal. I’m going to go wash up. Are you good or are you so tired I have to help you?” She says the last part suggestively, and you really don’t know if it’s meant to be flirtatious or funny anymore. Either way she winks at you and leaves you blushing and thinking too hard.

 

~

 

The next time you wake up you think you’re still dreaming because Carmilla’s face is inches away from you. Neither of you are under the covers, and you’re not touching in any way, but it's full of potential touches. Your noses are inches apart, hands reaches out and fingertips nearly brushing, your knees are almost hitting and your feet look like they might as well be tangled but there's an invisible barrier shielding you from her. That’s how you know it’s not a dream. You run your eyes over her face, memorizing the curve in her eyebrow, the point in her nose, her sharp jaw line. She looks so content and asleep that you’re surprised when you hear anything come out of her mouth.

“Laura...” she’s mumbling and you realize its sleep talk. She’s dreaming of you like you always dream of her. She's dreaming of you and it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen (And you saw her cry when Mufasa died), but then her forehead is creased and you want to run a finger between her eyebrows to smooth it out, but that’s definitely crossing some boundaries.  

“No...” Now she sounds distressed and you’re not sure what to do, so you let your half asleep mind take over and reach out to hold her face in one of your hands. Her eyes open immediately, meeting yours in confusion and you withdraw your hand, blushing at being caught in the act. The act of what, you’re not sure, but you feel guilty for invading her personal space.

“I’m sorry, you were dreaming and you looked sad and I thought... Well I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’d try and wake you and-”

“Cupcake most people start with ‘Good morning’,” She closes her eyes sleepily before she looks at you again.

“Most people don’t sleep talk,” you retort. She looks very scared.

“Oh god, what did I say?”

“My name?” She immediately covers her face with her hands and rolls onto her back.

“Can we pretend that didn't happen and you can stab me with something instead? It would be less mortifying than this conversation.”

“Nope I’m never forgetting that you’re a huge softie who dreams about me.”

“I’m not awake enough for this conversation,” She groans.

“What time is it anyways?” She looks at her wrist and groans again when there’s no watch there. She glances at the bedside table before responding. “8:15am. Too early for embarrassing me.”

“How about food and coffee?” you say as your stomach lets out a hopeful grumble.

“Ugh. Fine.” You get up and offer her a hand. She gladly accepts and you don’t drop it until her mother comes around the corner halfway through breakfast.

 

~

 

Her mother wanted to take you to a beach. You’ve been here three days now and her mother had barely spoken a word to you after the original interview. She eats at different times from you and Carm, and only calls Carmilla to her if she actually needs something, so there hadn’t been much time or opportunity to talk to her. But there she was wanting to take you and Carmilla on an outing on the beach.

Scary as she might be, you’re desperate to please her at least a little, so you agreed. What you hadn’t thought about in advance was seeing Carmilla in a bathing suit.

Now here you are trying to pick your jaw up off the Bay of Lübeck sand as you take in how beautiful she is. Ok she’s always beautiful but she's also _hot_ and you hate objectifying her but how bad can staring at your best friend really be? She just has such a nice stomach and you really want to run your hands over it, and you want to feel her muscles against your skin and you want to kiss those collarbones and let everyone know she’s yours and-

“Cupcake?” Carmilla’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you want to push them down but to answer you have to look at her face and you want to kiss her so much right now that it isn't a good idea. “I asked if you wanted to come swimming?”

“Um. Yeah! Swimming! Lets go swimming!” You practically run into the cold ocean water to distract yourself from your thoughts. This isn’t normal friend behavior now and you know it, but you really don’t know what to do about it anymore. Should you tell her? Is she flirting with you, or just being friendly? Is she even gay? Are you gay? (Oh my god you might be gay it would explain so much). Does anyone else know how to deal with realizing they might have a giant crush on their best friend?

You’re once again ripped from your thoughts when Carmilla splashes you in the face from where she’s standing, still on the shore. You glance up to see that smirk there again and instead of letting your brain tell you about how much you want to kiss her perfect lips, you splash her right back. She looks like a drowned cat, and you laugh so hard at the image that you completely lose your balance and fall over backwards into the water. When you resurface Carmilla is doubled over, body shaking with her own laughter. You take the opportunity and run out of the water, grab her by the waist (trying not to focus on how good her skin feels against your fingertips), and drag her into the water with you.

You sit there like children, giggling and splashing water at once another, until a shadow looms over you both. Carmilla’s back straightens, smile falling from her face. In sync, you both stop and stare up at Carmilla’s mother's cold face. She looks at the two of you, eyes full of disapproval and disappointment before speaking.

“If you’re finished, I brought some lunch for us to eat.”

After she walks away Carmilla looks at the water before mumbling something about food and leaving you sitting in the water, wondering how someone can show that little interest in their child’s happiness. You’re suddenly very afraid that if you and Carmilla ever were something more than friends, her mother’s attitude might even get worse. You can’t decide if Carmilla would be happier with you or her mother, so you push the idea aside and join them for food.

 

~

 

Carmilla has a job here, but she’d taken time off to see you. Sadly, she couldn’t get all 7 days of your visit off (even though the office is run by her mother), so you’re left in the house alone for the day. You decide that sitting alone in your room isn’t a great plan, so you send a quick message to Danny to ask if she’s free to Skype you. You feel a little nervous to tell her about this trip for some reason. It feels very private and intimate, but you really need to talk to someone about what’s going on, and it’s been awhile since you last saw Danny.

Now two seconds after opening Skype, you hear the familiar ringtone and click the green accept button. Danny’s excited expression greets you as she yells your name over the screen. You break out into a grin, you may not realize it all the time, but you really miss your friends when you don’t talk to them.

“Hello to you too! How was the camping trip with the Summer Society?” Danny was part of some sort of outdoor adventure camp for girls, and had just finished a trip she’d been planning for months.

“Laura it was so cool. I have so many bug bites, and I feel like we really bonded. I didn’t know any of these people at the beginning of the trip, but by the end I feel like I know them all so well!”

“Aw, that’s great Danny! I’m so happy you enjoyed it.”

“I also have SO many bug bites. But you’re in Germany! I want to hear about it!!”

“Um. I mean it’s kind of cold right now? I know it’s supposed to be summer, but honestly I’ve been spending most of my time watching Disney movies with Carm,” you notice her raised eyebrow, but continue anyways. “We’ve worked through the lion king series, the jungle book, Oliver and company, hunchback, and goofy movie! It’s really funny because we keep cuddling and having to jump away when people are at the door.”

“Uh. Yeah. Wait why?”

“Um. I don’t… know… We also went to the beach. Carm is actually a great cook so she’s been making me better food than my steady Kraft dinner diet!”

“That’s great Laura. Are you okay?” Danny looks confused at your sudden discomfort and nervous laughter.

“Yeah I’m great! Fine! Super! I don’t want to leave in 2 days. I feel like there are things I haven't done here.” You know this is partially true, but you really don't know how to word what you’re trying to say to Danny.

“Germany is a big place, but why do I feel like that’s not what we’re talking about here?”

“I don’t know. It’s fine.”

“Wait. Do you... and Carmilla… do you like her?” The words feel like they've lifted you into the sky and now you’re plummeting down to earth again. Someone is outright asking you and you’re going to have to reply. Do you like Carmilla? That’s like asking the Rose if she likes the Doctor, or Simba if he likes Nala, or Lois Lane if she likes Clark Kent. The answer is so obvious that it doesn't need to be said, yet you feel like if you don't admit to this your heart is going to burst into a billion pieces and cease to exist. Do you like Carmilla?

“Yeah,” you begin cautiously, testing the waters. “I like Carmilla.”

Danny lets it sit in the air for a moment, sensing that you need to realize that you’ve said it. There’s no going back now. You feel relieved and terrified and you know you’re bright red with embarrassment.

“Ok. Do you want to talk about it, or change the subject?” How does Danny know exactly what you need right now? You hold back tears because she’s so understanding. How are all your friends this good at knowing what you need?

“Can I see photos of your trip?” Danny obliges, and you’re laughing and smiling again in no time. But it still hangs in the air. You like Carmilla. You like her in a more than friendly way. Carmilla might like you too. You have 2 days left to figure this out before you have to go home.

 

~

 

Seven days have never passed by so quickly. Maybe your calendar is lying, maybe you still have a few days, and maybe you don’t have to go to the airport in 12 hours. You look down at the bed to where Carmilla is lying on her side staring at you intently. Her arm is cast loosely around your waist and your hand is brushing her jaw gently. You’d been sleeping in the same bed the entire week without a word about it, but as it was your last night you’d specifically asked her to stay.

Her eyes are beautiful and you’ve been noticing flecks of gold in them all week. When you had mentioned this to her, she’d laughed it off and called you silly, but you’re certain that her eyes are full of them, like the sky had known about her love of the stars and given her her own personal constellations (You hadn’t said that bit. that might be a little too cheesy for her).

“I don’t want to leave,” you whisper to her. You’re so close to her now that you don’t have to speak any louder, and for some reason a lot of the words you say to her now feel like secrets.

“I don’t want you to leave either.” Her mouth quirks down into a frown.

“But hey, you’ll be home in 2 weeks right?” You give her the most convincing smile you can manage when tears are threatening to fall down your face for the third time that night.

“Right. 2 weeks.” You’re too tired to care about anything right now so you pull yourself closer to her, so that your bodies are flush together. You burry your head under her chin and knot your fingers in the back of her shirt.

“Thank you for bringing me here, this is the best vacation I’ve ever been on. You’re the best.” She moves a finger in front of your lips, and you’re not sure if you’re still breathing anymore.

“Shhh don’t thank me cutie. I wanted you here. Just you.”

“Are you going soft on me?” She glares at you. Or you think she does because she doesn’t say anything else for a while. You focus on your closeness, and how you can hear her heartbeat. You’ve never realized how amazing a heartbeat can be, but every few seconds it’s a reminder that you’re not dreaming, that Carmilla is here with you and cuddling you and it’s not a dream.  

You must fall asleep like that because when you wake up in the morning, tired and groggy, Carmilla is laying on her back and you’re curled into her side using her chest as a pillow. No matter how sad you are about leaving, this one moment is worth it. She’s beautiful and smart and sarcastic and you admire her so much and you’re so lucky. You commit this moment to memory before settling back down into her and closing your eyes and savoring your last moments with the girl of your dreams.

 

**  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John
> 
> (But actually listen to this other cover by ortoPilot & Raven Zoe) 
> 
> Thanks for reading guys :) I'm so happy about the positive response i've been getting on this fic.  
> Thanks you so much for the comments and kudos and bookmarks <3
> 
> (Also no one mentioned this, but I do know that Austria is where Styria is and where Carmilla is from, but I chose Germany so that I could have the beach scene in the fic.)
> 
> And this one isn't beta'd because @hawkrye is on vacation!!! I hope i caught most of the errors, but again let me know :)


	6. gonna hold you, gonna kiss you in my arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closing your eyes you resolve to attempt to get some sleep, but behind your eyelids all you can see is Carmilla. You can’t escape your thoughts of her, awake or asleep, and it’s going to drive you completely insane.  
> She’s coming home tomorrow. Tomorrow you will get to see her, give her a hug, and maybe figure out what you’re supposed to do about this stupid huge crush you have. Maybe.
> 
> Or Laura is Romantically frustrated, and Carmilla comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the week long delay! Life got in the way. This is the last chapter of the story but I'm probably going to have an epilogue! Hope you enjoy it :)

_August_

 

These have got to be the slowest two weeks that you’ve ever experienced. Danny is off on another camping trip (this time with her family), Laf is fully into the science experiment they’ve been working on, and Perry is nowhere to be found. Usually you’re left to your own devices, so really all that you’ve been doing is texting Carm, and missing Carm, and calling Carm. You also managed to watch some of the Disney movies that you didn't have time to watch with her, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. You miss the comfort of her arm around you and her steady heartbeat. Actually thinking back it might not have been steady, sometimes it would race quite a lot. Especially when you would accidentally brush hands or when you whispered something about the movie right next to her ear. Or maybe you just imagined all of that.

Currently you’re sitting on your bed staring at your dim laptop screen where you can just barely see Carmilla’s sleeping form. Nightly Skype calls had become a thing ever since you returned to Toronto, and more often than not she would fall asleep on the other end before you had a chance to hang up the call. You feel slightly creepy watching her sleep, but when you’d mentioned this to her she had said it was flattering. Which to you sounds like flirting, but you’re still pretty sure you’re imagining her having the same feelings for you as you do for her. Two people liking each other is unheard of right? It only happens on TV. But you could’ve sworn that she was looking at your lips and maybe if you’d stayed for longer something would have happened.

You sigh and turn onto your back, covering your face with your hands and groaning into them. Something inside you feels unfulfilled, and even if you do know what it is there's absolutely nothing that you can do about it for the time being. No matter how many nights a week you dream about kissing someone, it can’t happen until that someone is actually on the same continent as you. You spend a lot of time imagining kissing her, which is exciting and scary because she either has a crush on your too, or she won't want to kiss you back. You’re terrified of losing her, but if you don't’ figure out if your feeling is mutual you might explode with romantic tension (which is totally a thing that exists).

Closing your eyes you resolve to attempt to get some sleep, but behind your eyelids all you can see is Carmilla. You can’t escape your thoughts of her, awake or asleep, and it’s going to drive you completely insane.

She’s coming home tomorrow. Tomorrow you will get to see her, give her a hug, and maybe figure out what you’re supposed to do about this stupid huge crush you have. Maybe.

 

~

 

 **Carm :)**  
On my way, cutie

 

You squeal at your phone in happiness before running upstairs to wait for her. She lives a good twenty minutes away, but you can’t sit still in your room knowing she’s almost here. You busy yourself by scrolling through your old text messages with her, noting all the times she’s called you cute, or used a winky face (You really think she’s trying to kill you with subliminal messaging through nicknames and emoticons). You scroll back a week in the conversation: 100 nicknames and 42 winky faces, before you receive another text from her. You’re annoyed for all of two seconds before realizing that she’s at your house. You’re excited and nervous and you might throw up but you can’t wait to see her.

The doorbell rings and you run into 6 pieces of furniture trying to get to the door before your dad can. Once you get there you have to take a moment to calm yourself because otherwise you might hug her so tightly she breaks (not that she seems at all breakable). Once your breathing is under control you unlock the door and reach for the handle and open the door slowly.

“Carm,” you say in a soft voice. She’s here and she’ real and she’s so beautiful. Your arms are wrapping around her before she can disappear again and you think you may have knocked the air out of her, but she laughs at you easily.

“Slow down there tiger, I’m staying the night aren’t I? We’ve got time,” she says as she hugs you back just as tightly, her body saying what her words will not.

“Oh come on, you know you missed me.” You hold on for a few more seconds before letting go and inviting her inside.

She says a quick hello to your dad before the two of you run down to your room. There’s a spare bed made up for her beside yours, but you do have a queen so the two of you settle on it quickly. The sight of her lying down on your bed and inviting you to cuddle looks as if it came straight out of your dreams.

 

~

 

Hours pass easily as you make up for lost time in each other’s arms. You rattle off stories about everything and pose questions to the void about life and the universe and it feels like your whole world is settling into place. Her hand is brushing on the sliver of skin between your t-shirt and your pajamas and you can feel the goose bumps forming in every place when skin meets skin. “Maybe you should get some sleep cutie?” Carmilla smirks at you as you accidentally let out a yawn. Her face is impossibly close and you feel the words hit your lips.

“I want to stay awake with you. It’s not like you’re going to sleep yet,” you complain, tightening your grip on her arms. "I won't go to sleep unless you stay here."

"Alright cupcake. Let me turn off the lights though, yeah?"

"Ok." She stands up and you take a moment to stretch yourself out and roll over, before scooting high enough on your bed that you could pull the covers out from under you and pull them up to your chest instead. You feel the bed sink slightly as Carmilla tucks herself in behind you and wraps her arm around your waist. Not feeling close enough you put your arm over hers and scoot back so that your back is pressed against her chest and you can feel her breaths on the back of your neck.

"Goodnight, Carm," you whisper as you give her hand a squeeze.

"Goodnight creampuff," she replies. The domestic-ness of it all has your heart fluttering as you try not to read into the way her hand finds its way slightly under your shirt as you drift into sleep.

 

~

 

The next time you open your eyes, you see Carmilla propped up on her elbow and hovering above you. Her eyes are slightly clouded with sleep as she looks into yours with an unreadable expression. One of her hands is trailing patterns across your stomach, and this dream feels more real than it ever has. You curse yourself for dreaming about her while she's sleeping right next to you, but you can't force yourself out of a dream this good.

When she notices you’re awake she smiles a bit, but it doesn't reach her eyes. If you didn't know better you'd think she looked scared. In the dim sunlight coming through your blinds her face is hard to see, but it doesn't stop you from thinking about how beautiful she is. You can't think of anything more incredible than waking up to her, and having her body tangled in yours.

"You're driving me crazy," you say softly as you smile up at her.

"You always drive me crazy," she retorts. In real life this would bring a blush creeping up your neck, however you don’t worry about it right now (even if you can feel the dream blush giving you real sensations).

You reach up a hand and place it gently on her shoulder. You know how this dream works, if you entice her a bit she's going to kiss you, and you will wake up happy. You gently trail your hand from her shoulder down to where her arm is bare, and you revel in the feeling of goose bumps forming after your fingers pass over her skin. You're admiring the sharpness of her jaw and everything in you wants to kiss it, but you know that part comes later. You glance back at her face and realize how intently she's staring at your lips. Inside you're begging her to kiss you but on the outside you just move your hand into her thick black hair. She lets out a small noise as you rake your fingers through her hair and against her skull. You almost want to tease her about it, but then you see the hungry look she's giving you.

Usually by now she would have kissed you and you're wondering what's taking so long when you notice her moving in and your breath hitches in your throat. Your heart is racing out of your chest by the time her lips finally meet yours in a gentle kiss.

 _Oh_.

Nothing about this is the same as usual and you can tell by the pressure of everything that this is no dream. She's real and she's kissing you and your face breaks out into a smile as she moves slightly away to look into your eyes.

"Was that okay?" She asks hesitantly. A squeal escapes as you nod quickly before pulling her back down to kiss you again.

This time you can concentrate on how soft her lips are and how her nails are dragging across your stomach and how incredible all of this feels in real life. The clean scent of her laundry detergent and the slight remaining smell of airplane fill your nose. Everything is Carmilla and everything is soft and hard all at once. You've kissed people before, but nothing has ever felt this good (you don't think anything can actually compare to the feeling of kissing Carmilla).

The next time she pulls away you notice the adoring look she's giving you. How could you have mistaken that as anything else before?

"So you do like me!"

"I would have thought that was obvious by now cutie." She rolls her eyes at you and you pull her in for another quick kiss.

"It's not my fault I'm completely oblivious. Heck, I didn't realize I even liked girls until a few weeks ago."

"Who changed your mind?"

"Oh I don't know. Some super beautiful girl that I've been talking to all summer. Way cooler than you, you wouldn't know her." You giggle when she looks momentarily scared, but you quickly move to right beside her ear and whisper, "of course it was you."

"Good." She moves to bury her head in the crook of your neck and lies down next to you again. You smile at her, and she's smiling back and this is the most perfect moment you could have imagined.

"I'm glad this wasn't a dream," you say.

"So you've been dreaming about me? And you still didn't realize? I thought you were supposed to be smart."

"Oh shut up." You silence her teasing with another kiss. The intention was for a quick peck to stop her from nagging you, but Carmilla obviously has other ideas, as she threads one hand through your hair and tucks the other one under your shirt again. Every moment spent kissing her is better than the last (despite them being sloppy right now) and you don’t think you could ever get tired of this.

Things slow down again and you find yourself face to face with Carmilla, both of you grinning from ear to ear. As you fall asleep tangled in each other, lips swollen from kissing, the only thought on your mind is how she saved you and how happy you’re going to be tomorrow when this still isn’t a dream.

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THATS A WRAP!!!!  
> Chapter title from "Big Jet Plane" by Angus & Julia Stone  
> Thank you so much for reading this story, I hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it. The comments and kudos mean the world to me, so thank you again!!!!!
> 
> My Beta wanted to say a few words: "just wanna thank everyone for reading this story, it was super fun for me to work on and even though i probs missed some things, this fic came out so well. special thanks to my brah for writing this beautiful work of art.  
> you are all aces in my book  
> Aurora"
> 
>  
> 
> This probably isn't the last that you'll hear of me  
> <3


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